Monday, October 02, 2006

The New Beginning

Murphy's Log: Stardate 7

Well fellow travellers, I must apologize for the lack of entries in my log of late, but it has been an eventful time. My plan to cross-dress my way off the festive planet (Epsilon XVI) was successful, at least in part. Who would have thought I'd make such an attractive woman! So attractive, in fact, that the fathers who were after me for "defiling" their daughters began to come after me for entirely different reasons. Luckily, Alpha is skilled at the sneak attack. He saved my "butt" in quite a few situations.

Nonetheless, we're in transit again! Do you remember those "investors" I had mentioned earlier? Well, it seems they're getting restless. I was watching the Interstellar News and there is a bounty out on me. That's just great. You bypass a few ports and security checkpoints, leave a few less-than-living bodies behind, win a few vital card games and suddenly you're a criminal! What has the Universe come to? Doesn't anyone believe in free enterprise? Regardless, I think I'll hold on to my disguise (Ms. Jeannine Mirowski) for a little while longer.

We were granted passage upon a ship called Damascus' Aunt, a jolly old (read: peice of junk) ion-gathering ship built by the Frelonians. Just my luck, Frelonian males have a taste for blonde human women with flat chests! Oh, but don't make any assumptions here, dear fellows, for Ms. Mirowski does not give it up easily! Let's just say I'm going to need an extra rucksack to hold all of these diamonds!

Ever So Slowly En Route,


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Party

Murphy's Log: Stardate 6

What a party! I know it's been a while since my last entry, in fact if you want to be precise it's been months! But that's how long these parties last here on Epsilon XVI. The maroon planet. Not only is it maroon, it is also party central it seems, for the entire galaxy! On every streetcorner you can find a tavern, an after-hours club, a concert hall, and a cigar lounge! Oh, the times we've had. A different woman every night, all the booze you can manage, and more. However, it does get tiresome at points, every night being relatively the same, and being woken up early by the daytime partyers doesn't help a mind-numbing hangover.

Needless to say, we've gotta book it out of here, and fast. It seems that I've impregnated quite a few of the local women, and I'm really not ready for fatherhood. Plus, imagine all the child support payments! It really makes me shudder. The trick is going to be escaping without being noticed. We could have used the mind-propelled suit, but at some point it was filled with liqour and set on fire. In fact, I vaguely remember the night. Alpha had drunk about 50 litres of Farflexian Pungle Juice and was physically bouncing off the walls. One side effect of Farflexian Pungle Juice is a sensation of elasticity. I remember a bet being made.....and a pretty girl.....after that everything sort of goes blank. We awoke to find a burnt-out hulk of Alpha's invention.

Since I'm currently hiding out from a number of irate fathers weilding a number of deadly and dismembering weapons, we've devised a plan of escape. I'll disguise myself as a woman, and find a purse big enough to hold Alpha, and hitch a ride on the next freighter out of here. From there who knows. The tricky thing is going to be finding my ship. I have a general idea of where it went. My theory is that it returned to it's home planet (being the planet where it was created). However, the planet in question (Darkinon Plus) has a very erratic orbit around eight different suns, spanning quite a distance. Regardless, the cargo of said ship is very dear to me, and um, to many other shall we say "concerned" investors. And I'm running out of time. Quickly.

Wish Me Luck, For Tomorrow I May Be Impaled,


Monday, December 05, 2005

The Miracle

Murphy's Log: Stardate 5

We had abandoned all hope of survival. Unable to move, think, or really react to anything, what appeared to be a giant asteroid began hurtling towards us on some crazy radiated space wind. Unable to speak, I gave Alpha a meaningful look which meant well, it's been fun, you little green bastard. As we braced for impact, a funny thing happened.

Being in the delusional and often hallucinatory state that we were in, it seems our asteroid was no more than a space pebble, probably the size of a tennis ball. As it collided with the suits' head, smashing itself to smithereens, strange whirring noises started coming from the suits' machinery. And with a loud scrounch type of noise, the suit jammed into light speed.

After a few minutes of feeling like our faces were melting off and our organs liquefying, we came to an abrupt halt. Let me say this. Lizard vomit is not a pleasant smell. The smell of it would make you vomit, which I did. And, in turn, caused Alpha to vomit again. To say the least, we were both dying to get out of that suit. Literally.

Upon looking around, we seemed to have gone into orbit around a rather strange looking planet which neither of us could identify. Its atmosphere was a dark maroon sort of colour. Interestingly enough it had particle bands running horizontally and vertically around itself. (Because, as many of us found out that year, planets do indeed have selves.)

Alpha pipes up "Think us down there."
"Wait - we don't even know this planet! It could be hostile!" I said.
"I'm going to get pretty hostile here in a few minutes if you don't think us down."
"FINE! You'll soon find out what it's like to be a lizard kabob." I was pissed.

So, I thought of going down into the planets' atmosphere, and lo-and-behold we began our descent into uncharted territory.

To Boldly Go To Our Untimely Deaths,


Friday, December 02, 2005

The Decision

Murphy's Log: Stardate 4

I wish I could say that this is a happy time, but sadly, it is not.
I must not speak long for our oxygen supply is running out.
I've lost all sense of space and time. By my estimation, we've been floating out here for five days at least, but sleeping feels so much like being awake.

Luckily, Alpha brought along enough beer and snacks to last us the past few (days, weeks?).
I'll tell you though, Alpha is starting to look pretty delicious after such a long time of four different kinds of peanuts. And it's really starting to smell bad in here.

Yours, Floating Through Space As Always,


The Experiment

Murphy's Log: Stardate 3

You may wonder why I am floating through space aimlessly, shipless and penniless.

In other words, I am screwed.

Interesting story. On my way to catch that comet, I picked up Alpha, a funny little reptile, ugly, but smart enough to hold an intelligent conversation.
Regardless, he'd entered some stupid contest again. The little guy just can't get his head out of the clouds. Most of the time he enters these inventing competitions. The point is to come up with something no one has ever thought of before. Which is hard to do, considering the depth and scope of the universe. Despite many failed attempts, including edible cutlery (which was funny to watch considering Alpha's horrid table manners, what with all the regurgitation), I thought that he actually came up with a winner.

His invention was essentially a suit which allows you to travel through space using only the power of your mind. It was based on the design of the suit I wear to make repairs to the outside of the ship, but with one minor alternation. In order to cram in all the brain-wave readers (I don't know the technical term) the head had to be made about five times as large. Despite it's awkward appearance, this suit was brilliant.

This is where all my current problems started. Alpha, being of small stature, needed someone bigger to test this suit out. Which is, consequently the second reason he asked me specifically to give him a lift to the competition.

Me, being the Good Friend and Loyal Companion that I am, reluctantly agreed to test this out. The suit was a bit cumbersome to put on, but with Alpha's guidance I managed to squeeze in.
And then, to my surprise and discomfort, he got in with me.

"What if there is a flaw?" he reasoned.
As much as I like Alpha, this was getting ridiculous.
"Just don't expel your noxious gasses," I said.

We opened the cargo doors and I thought where I wanted to go and we were off!

And right at that moment, as the cargo bay doors sealed themselves behind us, I made a stunning revelation. I locked the keys in there.

As if that wasn't enough, the ship's computer came over the suit's intercom: "I've had it with you Murphy! Always going on these hair-brained adventures, leaving me all by myself with nothing to do but wait for your damn updates! I'm sick of doing everything for you without a hint of kindness in return. You don't even perform my daily maintenance check! It's over between us. Goodbye. I don't ever want to see you again!"

And with that, my ship's thrusters burst into flames, leaving behind a trail of space dust as I watched all my hard-earned cargo disappear into a speck in the distance.

"Hurry! Think about following her!" shouted Alpha.
"I can't think while you're shouting at me!" I cried.

That's when the suit malfunctioned.

And here we are, trapped inside a broken space suit, somewhere on the outskirts of this mixed-up galaxy.

On A Wing and A Prayer,


The Traveller

Murphy's Log: Stardate 2

Today I leave this place, and all that I have experienced here will become part of my consciousness. I feel sadness only because I have no power or authority to make change here, such is the law of the universe.
I've got all the fuel I need right now to go pretty much anywhere in the galaxy, so I'm setting my sights on the first star of what these people call The Big Dipper. I wish I had paid more attention in astrology class. Now I have to rely on my ship's computer to navigate, and unfortunately, we are in a bit of an argument right now. It's not uncommon to find myself in the middle of an asteroid field, or hurtling towards a black hole. But even I have to sleep sometimes.
Once I reach that star, I'm going to hitch a ride on this amazing comet which is due to pass right by. Hopefully I'll have time to pick up my friend Alpha on the way. It's a short detour, and time will be tight, but he needs a lift and I'll never pass up the chance to have company. This next trip will be a long one, and the emptiness of space starts to reflect the emptiness of your heart.

Each day flows into the next, with no morning or night. just darkness. But it's all worth it. Clean air, good food, all the freedom I can handle.

Getting restless so I'll raise this last frothy brew to you,


Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Creator

Murphy's Log: Stardate 1

This planet is very strange. Creatures swarm together in massive hives.
I've gotta get out of here, back up into space where it's safe.
The sights I've seen in the last forty-eight hourts would astound you.
Murder, thievery, slavery, rape, torture, violence, waste, pollution of the ecosystem.
I think this strange culture may be in it's final stages.
My estimate? Eight, nine hundred years, and this industrious and powerful race will destroy itself. While focusing on their own vanity and fortune, they are unaware what is happening in the universe, for it is always changing. But so unaware are these creatures even of their own environment, that they don't have the tools to escape when the planet dies.

Their brief moment of civilization in the galaxy will be recorded. However, not in all of the history books. Only the sharpest minds and most powerful beings will carry their story with us.

One thing I must note though, is that this whole thing seems so familiar. It's quite baffling, even to me. But I leave tomorrow, and there's not much time to prepare.

Bon Voyage, and Until Next Time,